HAPPY 2010!!!!!

I don’t know what has come over me but, my friends, I am happy. Couldn’t explain it further as I have no physical proof but – I am feeling good (minus the fever but thats only physical). Perhaps it is my recent dip back into the Bikram Yoga pool. Four years ago, I took a Bikram yoga class at least once a day, 7 days a week and I was in my body, in amazing shape, and taking care of myself. It has taken a four year absence from that stint for me to realize that I was where I needed to be all along. On New Years Eve, instead of strapping on stilettos and paying cover charges, I went to a moonlight, midnight Bikram class that ended on the New Year with a champagne toast. I knew no one but I have to say it was the best New Years Eve that I have ever had. I am healthy, I am living for me, and I am exactly where I want to be. That said, I have made some revelations:

~ Up until this point, my depression and poor luck in the auditioning realm has really only been a result of my not being in my body, not being focused, and not being okay with myself and where I was in the moment. If I wasnt in my body then where would I be? In my head! And that is the death of the actor!!! I needed to be okay with myself before I could be vulnerable and honest in an audition and on stage. I can say that I am now. Things are looking up. Its gonna be a tremendous year.

~ Find something that makes you happy that ISNT theatre.

I know, I know. I am a hypocrite. I will be the first to admit that for a long time theatre was my one and only love (with a brief repose during the Nathan years :-D). It still is my love and my greatest love. But now I have multiple loves for multiple things, people, and PLACES (yes, New York, welcome to my bossom, dear one). When you make your love into your career, you relinquish its ability to be both your love and your work at the same time (especially when pressed with difficult times and challenges). This is the root to my recent problems: my love/career were both gone from me when I moved here and of course I felt as if I had lost everything. I needed to do things for me, for my career, involving theatre, involving movement, creativity, learning, etc but that wasnt dependent upon casting or income. First step: 30 day Bikram challenge. I am now on day 9 and I feel fucking fantastic. I go every morning – much like Joe who commented on the benefit of early mornings in his most recent PvsP post. Love him! Its SO true. I am focused, I am working on myself and as a result, working on my career.  I am in my body, out of my head, healthy, awake, and feeling like my old self again. Without which:

I never would have gotten the call back that I have today that I am rushing off to in t-26 minutes.

Wish me some broken appendages.

Namaste,
Emily
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