“I can’t believe I made that face!”
“Why do I keep moving my head so much?”
“I’m speaking way too loudly here…”
These are just a few of the self-critiques I made while watching the final cut of I Can’t Get No, a student film written and directed by Andrew Messer.
In my film acting class, I was told that some actors like to watch themselves on screen and spot areas they might need to work on, while others prefer not to, believing it only interferes. This leads to the question: Is it possible to accurately rate your own work? After all, you know your own face/expressions/voice better than anyone else, right? But can you really keep an objective point-of-view?
Myself, I’ve always preferred not to watch, simply because I usually wind up feeling bad about my acting. For some reason, I look right past all the good things about the performance and my brain only identifies the areas I could have done better, leaving me feeling embarrassed and deflated. Logic tells me that if I can get past my insecurities and watch myself with a constructively critical eye, then there can be room for tremendous growth as an actor. Plus, shouldn’t I be looking for footage I can use in my reel?
With that in mind, I’m going to opt for the path of most resistance and spend a little more time studying my own work after the fact. There’s a lot of upside in knowing thyself, and I intend to reap the benefits.
What do you think? Are you one of those people who prefers not to watch their own films? What’s your process? Is this an area where it might come in handy to go beyond film classes and hire an acting coach? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
~Joe VB
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June 21, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Mary McGinley
I always hate watching myself, too. That’s why I think it might be good to have a coach watching with you, forcing you to focus on things other than your big mistakes. This could be done a few times until you get over that habit.
As a director I have the same problem that comes out in a funny way. When I’ve tried manning the camera for a video taping of a play I’ve directed, the result is always a catastophie. I tend to focus the lens on the things I wish I’d fixed but didn’t have time. So while the lead is acting his heart out down stage doing “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…” I end up capturing the soldier in the back scratching his butt on the tape.
Mary
http://www.muse-of-fire.org/audition_physician
June 21, 2010 at 7:33 pm
JoeVB
Very interesting insight, Mary! Who could predict that the judging little voice in our heads also knows how to operate modern electronics!? And thanks for the advice. I’ve started looking into acting coaches in Chicago. I agree, a more-experienced third party might not be a bad idea. At least for a little while ’til I get my feet (more) wet.
June 21, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Don Karnes
While we look in the mirror every morning whilst the tooth brush is sloshing to-and-fro, that time is different. We know that we are not on stage, being filmed, watched or critiqued.
Would you feel the same if you were to witness yourself in the above described oral scrubbing not having known there was a record being taken?
My guess? Humans seek approval. We get so darned caught up in what others think. Why?
Within each of us lies every answer we need in this…career, hobby, sport, recreation, desire, life.
Gosh, even the considered best in the field might feel similarly. But, do they let it go? Are they able to? Let it no longer remain a forethought?
All the best JoeVB!
D
June 22, 2010 at 1:26 am
JoeVB
Words of wisdom, my friend. We must place the importance in sincerity and honesty, whether the cameras are rolling or not. As is in everyday life, the things that translate the most are the things that come from who we are, organically. As you put it, nobody looks in the mirror while brushing their teeth and critiques the movement of their arm.
Instead of seeking approval from ourselves and our peers, perhaps it’s best to let go and allow ourselves to be us. My hope is that something inside me will click and I will come to a place of understanding this notion, both onstage and off.
Thanks for the comment, bro. 🙂
June 22, 2010 at 2:20 am
benwhitehair
I feel like people actually judge actors if they say they like watching themselves on camera (stupid narcissist, you’re supposed to hate that!!!).
I personally find it extremely helpful to watch myself on tape, perhaps because I am the most critical person of myself. I get to see how I did things, what I might improve, what worked, what didn’t. Pairing that with objective feedback (is that possible…?) allows me to create a better filter of what acting I do works and what doesn’t.
I will also say that I have gotten MUCH better about separating my acting from the finished product itself. That is, the more I watch and study film the more I can distinguish what was the editing, directing, screenwriting, acting, etc.
I feel like a chef would be institutionalized if they said they were never going to try anything they cooked…not quite sure why this is any different? I think if the community as a whole did a better job of giving everyone honest feedback while separating it from THE PERSON–just because a performance didn’t work doesn’t mean you suck–we might be better able to handle this.
June 22, 2010 at 10:09 am
JoeVB
Ben, that’s an AWESOME analogy about the chef! lol I love it. And I hadn’t even thought about how much my perception is affected by editing, but you’re absolutely right.
What I think it comes down to is my head and face. If I see myself make an unusual face on screen, I can usually remember what it physically FELT like to make that face, so the next time I’m practicing a scene and I feel my face going there, I can remember “Hey, remember that look? Is that the look you’re going for right now with this character?” I imagine this becomes more and more instinctual over time.
June 22, 2010 at 3:33 pm
J Walker
I love watching myself because I like to see myself doing stupid sh*t. Maybe that’s why I chose acting as my profession? I don’t know. But even when I do a dramatic or “serious” role, I enjoy watching. Mostly because I like to be entertained. So I tend to step outside of myself while watching, the same way I do when acting, and take a spectator’s point of view. If I find what I did to be funny, or moving, or entertaining, then I know I did a good job. If I think it’s stupid, boring, or uncomfortable to watch (and not in a good way), then I know I have lots of work to do. But mostly I am just an arrogant, narcissistic, egotistical divo who gets his jollies out of looking at himself. That’s why I have mirrors all over my house.
-J Walker
June 22, 2010 at 5:35 pm
JoeVB
Do you get as much crap from your friends about looking at yourself in the mirror as I do? I think my peers just might have narcissism envy… But yeah, I’d be lying if I said my egoist self didn’t have have a strong say in my career choice. But we are who we are, no? Thanks for the comment, J! 🙂
June 22, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Puja Mohindra
I don’t ever really like watching myself, but if I have to I prefer watching the final cut. After the editors piece together my performance. That’s when it becomes really clear that a performance is not created by an actor alone….it is created together by actor; director; wardrobe, costume, and make up artists….and the editor whose choices truly determine the interpretation of your performance.
June 23, 2010 at 12:15 am
JoeVB
So effing true! Editing is a HUGE part of the film actor’s final performance. Well noted, m’lady!
June 22, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Clark Coffey
I listen to the music I record. Over and over and over. It’s an absolutely vital, integral part of the creative process. Why not watch your performance? Learn from it, tweak it, make it a part of your mastery. I think our ego actually keeps us from wanting to watch ourselves – we’re afraid we’ll be embarrassed.
June 23, 2010 at 12:18 am
JoeVB
“Mastery” is a great word to use here. It suggests that acting is a craft that requires time AND work. Opting to NOT watch your own films does NOT count as work, in my opinion. Wonderful perspective, Clark! Thanks! 🙂
June 23, 2010 at 7:05 am
Gary Ploski
Great blog JoeVB.
After shooting my first short film it took me over a year to watch it a second time. I loathed the experience of my first time viewing that much. With time came more experiences in front of and away from the camera.
I’ve since learned to pay attention to things like: editing, personal performance Vs delivered performance, music, etc.
What do I mean? While I may remember feeling the truest emotion ever on-set someone may receive it entirely different. The experience I have watching the finished product is a reaction to my memory (emotional and intellectual) of the acting and on-set experience and as a viewer. Two very different people.
Watching as a viewer I do my best to allow my performance to affect me as a viewer with a goal to ignore my personal memories of the acting. They won’t help me or my reel.
One thing I pay attention to when watching myself are the tics – vocally and physically. For better or worse I want to know about them. I can make choices to try something different or roll with it the next time I’m on-set.
June 23, 2010 at 9:09 am
JoeVB
Absolutely, Gary! Vocal/physical tics can be easy to spot and can drastically affect the way your performance reads to screen. For example, with this film, I noticed that I had stammered a little more than necessary, especially during a particular voice-over. By going back and watching my performance, I know to tone it down a little next time around! 🙂
July 25, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Stan
I have never actually watched myself act – ever. I take all of my copies of all of the films I get in the end and just send them to my parents to watch. I tried to watch myself on several occasions, but in the end I could not make it through. Making eye contact with a fake me is just too strange. I love acting, and becoming a different person for that time, but when I am done with it, I just feel like I am done with it for good.
I am told that this is because I am still young, but who knows. I know that I grow as an actor from performance to performance. Maybe I am fooling myself, but I am sure that I really feel the growth inside and that is good enough for me.
July 27, 2010 at 1:49 am
Aaron
I think the benefits of watching yourself outweigh any discomfort or perceived narcissism. You want to see what you can improve.
I recently saw an interview with some well regarded actor (I apologize I can’t remember who it was) who said they they only watch the dailies on the day of the filming. Since there isn’t sound he is only focusing on the technical aspects of his acting in front of the camera. He then makes adjustments as needed. Once he feels he has achieved what he was trying for, he doesn’t watch them anymore during the shoot.
In the cases where I’ve seen my own copy, sometimes I have to watch my performance a second time before I can be objective about it. The first time I’m freaking out about how I look or how my voice sounds different than how I hear it in my own head. After the first time I can really get into the mechanics of how I did/what to improve/what worked.